I hope to eventually blog about my entire pregnancy journey from getting pregnant to birth, but for now I want to share our story of getting pregnant and finding out I was pregnant with twins!
The journey: our fears in growing our family.
We previously had lots of fears about having children.
- Responsibility. I used to say, if you have a child, you’re stuck with them and can’t return it!! Yes, I do realize it is a bit of a ridiculous joke, because you should never consider children as items to be returned. But my perspective was that welcoming a child into your family is such a tremendous life change and eternal commitment. For someone who might have commitment issues, starting a family can be daunting. I totally get why some couples might choose to not have a family or at least not yet.
- Finances. We wondered how empty our bank account would start to look once we had kids. Babies need so much stuff and it really does add up!!
- Grad School. I’ve been in this grad school thing ever since I got married in 2015. Due to our circumstances, I decided to take school slow and steady and complete my education in my own timing. Obviously, if you are taking care of a newborn baby it’s hard to get anything done and focus on things like school.
- Our home. Previous to moving to our current place, we were at a 1-bedroom apartment. Not that you can’t have a baby if you are in a 1 bedroom apartment, but our goal was to raise a family in a bigger space and to buy a house.
We had all these fears of not wanting children just yet, but all of these fears began to leave in the summer of 2017.
Backstory: Season of love
While every family’s story varies, ours was one where we were able conceive 2.5 years into our marriage during a major transition. We were coming out of living a busy lifestyle working and serving in various places. And we began to step into a new season where we learned to pursue God and each other more intentionally.
It truly was a gift from God.
We took a vacation for ourselves for the first time that summer. Previously, we would only use our vacation time to serve our previous church and mk community. In reality, we didn’t know how to vacation or to just relax, because our last vacation together was our honeymoon. But I now know the value of taking a vacation and taking time to really find rest. That is why vacations even exist! I think it is now a true necessity in our lives and we aren’t meant to just work, work, work, serve, serve, serve. After our trip, we felt led to read the bible with more intention everyday. Well, I skipped days here and there. But Paul never skipped a single day and was persistent reading 3-4 chapters every morning as soon as he woke up.
The outcome of this transition and vacation and rest and reading the word… all of it together brought forth such freedom in our relationship with one another. No hostility at all. Our marriage was so full of joy and I felt deeply loved and cared for. While we previously had our fair share of fighting and arguing and bickering (and still do)… during this specific time, it was very lovey-dovey, mushy-gushy, if ya know what I mean. I truly believe that this was due to resting properly. Not about surface level rest and care, but deep soul care resting.
Our short journey of trying to get pregnant
With such fears and uncertainty about having children no longer lingering, we began immediately began trying in August. I had my period in September and was pretty sad about it that week. But then, I missed my period for the next cycle.
When I missed my period, I waited about a week to make sure it wasn’t just late. I was too eager though, so I bought one of those 3-pack of pregnancy tests for the first time. I brought it home, peed on it like it instructed me to, put it on the bathroom counter, and left it there because I was too nervous to look at it myself. Got Paul to go look at the result, and it came out positive with two lines!!! There was one dark pink line and one faded pink line.
I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe it so much that I needed to do it another time, but the same result two lines for positive pregnancy test!
Certainly, it couldn’t have had happened so quickly. But I was pregnant within a month of trying. We were overjoyed. We just went ahead and told everyone we knew that I was pregnant.
The first appointment with my OBGYN
When we got that positive result, I went ahead and made an appointment to my first OBGYN appointment.
However, leading up to that appointment, I had a little bit of bloody-like discharge. Anything abnormal is concerning, so I would do what anyone would do. I googled it and found that bloody discharge is a symptom of a miscarriage. My heart dropped and was so scared and devastated. I went ahead and took the pregnancy test again, which turned to be positive again. The thoughts that ran in my head were “Whew, I’m still pregnant”, “wait, am I pregnant?”, “What if I really did have a miscarriage.” I just wasn’t completely trusting those pregnancy tests, so I wasn’t really sure if I was pregnant due to my own battling thoughts. It was just gonna be a waiting game.. a mind game, until a doctor could confirm it.
Waiting for the doctor to come in
The day for my first appointment finally came, and I’m so thankful that Paul came with me and also had brought his go pro and documented us. We waited for a while in that cold examination room, and I remember praying that I hope I am still pregnant and also prayed, “God, it would be kinda cool if you gave us twins” Yes, I actually did make a silent prayer to myself like that. Just gotta say, God you so funnay.
As the doctor came to see me, I explained my previous bloody discharge symptom, and she said that it sometimes happens and it’s completely normal. We went ahead and had my first ultrasound. Because I was only 6 weeks at the first appointment, I had to do the uncomfortable vaginal ultrasound where they pretty much shove up this thing in your vagina and take a look at your womb in that way. It’s as uncomfortable as it sounds, if you haven’t had one of these ultrasounds before.
As we looked at the screen together, the doctor said, “Yeap, you are definitely pregnant!” Paused then said, “and with two!” Wait rewind. WHATTTTT!!!! My mouth just dropped open. I was so relieved at the first statement that the second statement did not quite process. It quickly turned into an emotional moment, where there was both shock and joy. Paul was already in tears and I was just frozen in disbelief.
That day is probably one of the most happiest day I have experienced in my life. We couldn’t wait to share the news with everyone. We pretty much told everyone right away that day or within that week.
Check out our two little boogers. They’re on opposite sides. At 6 weeks gestational age, they look like little dots but they sure made their presence known. They both had strong heartbeats and were already growing bit by bit in there.